It wouldn't have to be air tight

Just to follow up a little on yesterday's dog whistles about radical terrorists with short money attacking US port cities, to be blamed on Pakistan, Cryptogon has some stories about radioactive things that go missing.

About ten days ago came the story of 15,800 missing Walmart signs. Who cares except that the signs use tritium, which boosts the efficiency and yield of nuclear weapons.

Why would “the terrorists” need to steal glow-in-the-dark signs to obtain tritium?

First of all, Tritium decays over time. I have no idea what the specifics are, but nuclear weapons will require periodic maintenance of their tritium component in order to function as intended. This is top secret nuclear weapons stuff. Maybe someone out there knows the details about this, but I don’t.

Second, tritium—that doesn’t occur naturally—is made in nuclear reactors and you can’t just go down to Walmart and get it. DOH! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Third, even assuming that “the terrorists” could obtain pure tritium gas, it’s expensive. Tritium costs about $100,000 per gram (Source: UCLA).

Forth, and most importantly, in the aftermath of any false flag attack involving a nuclear weapon, it will be important to eventually show video of brown skinned people stealing Exit signs from Walmart. The video will run in loops on every TV news show for months. This could be the new Boxcutter 2.0. “They used our Exit signs against us!” Etc.

The narrative might go something like this:

“The terrorists” bought an old nuclear weapon that happened to get loose from the arsenal of the former Soviet Union. “The terrorists,” operating from their caves in some desert wasteland, determined that the tritium on their particular blackmarket bomb, had decayed and would have to be replaced. (Damn Russians! Selling poorly maintained nuclear weapons that have been sitting around for so long that the tritium has decayed!) “The terrorists” looked at their old Soviet nuke, they looked at each other, they looked at their goats and thought, “How will we get more tritium so that our strike against the great Satan brings the most glory to God as possible?”

“Steal it from Walmart,” whispered the ghost on Bin Laden into the ears of “the terrorists.”

Now, if the tritium in the exit signs is going to wind up inside the physics package of a nuclear weapon, “the terrorists” would have to first recover the tritium from these exit signs, and then segregate the tritium from the helium isotopes that result from the natural decay of the tritium. What kind of facility and equipment would be required to to refine the tritium from these exit signs into tritium that’s pure enough for use in a nuclear weapon? I haven’t the slightest clue.

Not to worry, the general public would never think about these details, and so, for purposes of our story, it doesn’t matter. Remember, Boxcutter 2.0. The resulting “investigation” could pass off any bullshit as the official story, and who would question it besides people like you and me?

Yes. Exactly. Who but us aging mooks and midriffs, we rebels without a cause, would notice a thing amiss? Just as the magically falling buildings and disappearing jet airplane wreckage, the story doesn't have to be air tight. It just needs to hang together....roughly. As long as you have some hate-filled brown people, the rest is easy, at least for the short run.

But just in case some people somewhere are paying attention and asking questions like, "Hey, how did these hate-filled brown people refine the tritium in their caves? With goat milk? Hmmm. Something doesn't quite add up here....not sure what it is but....HEY! You guys are LYING to us, AREN'T YOU??!!"... there must be an alternative explanation. Perhaps something more scientifically possible.

Not to worry! These guys think of everything, and that's why they get paid the big bucks to terrorize us.

A number of institutions with licenses to hold nuclear material reported to the Energy Department in 2004 that the amount of material they held was less than agency records indicated. But rather than investigating the discrepancies, Energy officials wrote off significant quantities of nuclear material from the department’s inventory records.

That’s just one of the findings of a report released on Monday by Energy Department Inspector General Gregory Friedman that concluded “the department cannot properly account for and effectively manage its nuclear materials maintained by domestic licensees and may be unable to detect lost or stolen material.”

Auditors found that Energy could not accurately account for the quantities and locations of nuclear material at 15 out of 40, or 37 percent, of facilities reviewed. The materials written off included 20,580 grams of enriched uranium, 45 grams of plutonium, 5,001 kilograms of normal uranium and 189,139 kilograms of depleted uranium.

There (brushing hands together). NOW we're getting somewhere. Time to add the brown people.