Braveheart

Mitt Romney lived in and governed Massachusetts, that illustrious haven of terrorists Democrats, for years without apparently coming to any harm. This tremendous accomplishment is made even more remarkable because Romney provoked the people of Massachusetts, continuously and mercilessly, by traveling around the country, ignoring our needs, and making disparaging personal remarks and jokes at our expense. But still, on the few occasions that he returned to the lion’s den state, nobody harmed a hair on his perfectly coiffured head. Did the people of Massachusetts use incredible, superhuman restraint, or were we stunned into submission by Romney’s death-defying bravery? Who can say. All we know is that he lived to tell the tale, a hero’s tale.

Now, for love of country, Mitt has decided to courageously and selflessly stand aside so that no evil terrorist Democrat may claw his or her way to that beautiful pearl of our nation, the White House. For if he should continue fighting on for the Republican anointing nomination, then his actions would forestall the unifying launch of a national propagandalooza campaign against the terrorists Democrats. And this just wouldn’t be right.

Please, let us have a moment of silence to honor this courageous and selfless man, Mitt Romney.

(pause)

Thank you. Now, may I direct your attention over here for just a moment. One of our Massachusetts children has prepared a special tribute for Mr. Romney.