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Jerusalem Post Editor David Horovitz is Very VERY Concerned as We Americans Vote

As America chooses its new leader on Tuesday, I'm worried - for Israel, [Israel FIRST, even if it is an American election.] and for the US and the rest of the free world. [Whatevs...]

Because much of America [the obviously WRONG much...] - seven Islamist terror-free domestic years after 9/11 - has long since stopped regarding Muslim extremism as a real, on-your-doorstep, life-ending danger. [See, that's why you guys need another 9/11.]

And because for much of America, [again, the WRONG much...] the Iraq war, however relatively beneficial the surge, was a terrible, era-changing mistake that has recalibrated the nation's attitude to the notion of self-defense. An ill-conceived act of unconscionable hubris, misdirected and fatal more than 4,000 soldiers' lives over [Oh, and I don't know anything about the other lives.]. A mistake that ruined America's economy, its reputation, its global relations. [Is that what you think of the Iraq War? No no've got it all wrong. (Also, we had nothing to do with any of this.)]

This America is certain, through to its scarred soul, that it shouldn't have fought the Iraq war. There were no weapons of mass destruction. Distant Saddam was not its problem. Even after 9/11 - especially after 9/11 - Saddam was not its problem.

And it doesn't want to know right now whether the war it shouldn't have fought was also the wrong war - in other words, that it should have held its fire for a war it might truly need to wage. [That would be the one we want you to do for Israel now.]

Much of today's America has arrived at the place Western Europe has been occupying for some time. However potentially devilish the dangers may be down the road, unless the killers are here, now, bombing homes and buses and offices and stores, it doesn't want to fight any wars. No wars, for no causes that are not America's direct business. [You selfish, selfish Americans.]

However understandable, this is ostrich thinking. It is the kind of head-in-the-sand mindset that, seven decades ago, was central to the delay that cost all those [(adjusted)] millions of Holocaust lives. [Why don't you care about ISRAEL????]

But if Iran's genocidal regime is capable of implementing its inhumane ambitions, there will be no slow gathering of pace, no Nazi-style gradual refinement of the mass-killing process. The threat, rather, is of simple pressure applied to a nuclear trigger and vast, immediate consequences. There would be no room for the belated realization of the imperative to act that enabled the costly defeat of the Nazis. The damage would already have been done. [The Iranians are MADMEN! Can't YOU SEE THAT?????? Repeat after me: Nazi Holocaust Nazi Holocaust Iran Nazi Holocaust Iran. Ok good. Keep going.]

THIS IS not a Zionist's entreaty to American voters to choose John McCain [We would never interfere, mind you.] - the candidate who has used the more trenchant rhetoric about his determination to ensure Iran is unable to achieve its nuclear weapons ambitions; the candidate who has internalized man's capacity to do harm more personally than his opponent, blessedly, has needed to thus far. [Obama is an inexperienced babe in the woods. He just does not understand yet how much harm he needs to internalize. But sadly, he will learn. (fuck fuck fuck)] No, not even though we fear, in the abiding absence of sufficient international economic pressure on Teheran, that we may indeed soon face the stark choice McCain presented between military intervention and the only thing worse: a failure to apply military intervention that enables Iran to go nuclear. [Shakespeare, where art thou as I needeth to convey the urgency?]

For we on the front line of the new war between life and the death cult of Islamic extremism listened to dramatic rhetoric for years from McCain's Republican predecessor, and saw it persuade our leaders that George W. Bush would take care of Iran one way or another. We came to recognize that this conviction was empty. And in today's America, bent on avoiding another war at almost all cost, we wonder how much more credible McCain is than Bush has been, how much more latitude for action he would really be able to muster. [They're all talk, NO ACTION. You cannot even begin to imagine our disappointment.]

Nor, however, is it a plea to endorse Barack Obama's [G-d forbid the schvartz get in!] recipe for tough diplomacy - designed to impress upon the Iranians that they had better abort their nuclear weapons program or risk more "serious action," with the military option on the table.

The Obama approach may well yield a greater international readiness to economically pressurize Teheran into changing course. And Obama has issued tough statements as he's neared the White House - in July telling The Jerusalem Post he would do "everything in my power as president to prevent Iran attaining nuclear weapons," and this month declaring, still more forcefully, that he'd do "everything that's required to prevent it."

If that leaves us hopeful but not persuaded that Teheran will be deterred, that's because the Iranians must surely doubt his willingness to approve an "or else" that would truly devastate them. [He's useless to us.]

How much terrifying weight, after all, can any threat carry when it emanates from an America to which Obama has promised change rather than continued military meddling in confusing foreign parts; an America grappling with economic meltdown; an America shellshocked from the Iraq war; an America insisting that it must not embark on further military adventure, especially when success is anything but guaranteed. [So very, very useless to us.]

And so, here in Israel, we are reexamining whether, if all else fails, our air force would be capable of achieving in Iran what it could not get done in south Lebanon... [(sniff)...Looks like we're on our own. This SUCKS.]

THIS IS not a column offering partisan advice, then. But, [So Not...BUT, while I have your attention...] as America goes to vote, it is an Israeli expression of the most profound concern, and a plea for a reality check and the recognition of some inconvenient truths. [Please please please do what WE want you to do: Vote McCain.] Because America, in Iraq, did fight the wrong war, or at the very least fought it in the wrong way. And, as things stand, neither victor on November 4 will easily be able to persuade his countryfolk that it may soon be necessary to fight the right one. [We really really really need you to attack Iran for us, 'kay? Please?]

I am concerned, as an Israeli, [(your intellectual and moral superior, may I graciously remind you)] that the pressure to let us serve as the test case - and by that I mean to let Iran go nuclear and hope that nothing too terrible happens to us - may be hard to resist for the new president. [You are stepping out of line goyim. Know your place!] He will be inheriting a shaken free world superpower - a had-it-so-good society reeling from financial instability at home and from its ongoing overseas encounters with forces insistently determined to both kill and be killed in the name of a religious perversion. [The Islamofacists, obviously (cough).]

It will be so much more convenient for Washington to hesitate, however briefly, when our unbreakable, unshakable alliance is most acutely examined. [REMEMBER THE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP?!?!?!] It will be tempting, too, to listen to European whispers that we have brought our face-off with the Islamists upon ourselves, and exacerbated their wider grievances, by failing to find reconciliation with our Palestinian neighbors. [It's ALL LIES! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!!! Look at me. You are getting veeeery sleeeepy. Listen to me. Israel is your best loooooove Israel.....]

Convenient, but misguided - and not only as regards Israel's safety. [sniff]

No one can know whether Iran's spiritual leader will press the button if his nuclear technicians manage to assemble a rule-the-region bombing apparatus for him, [Which only WE are entitled to have!!] or whether the basic care for his own people's lives, that we define as pragmatism, will triumph. Nor can we know if his finger will halt only to transfer the silkily murderous technology to non-state players who need have no concerns about second-strike consequence. [It is an OUTRAGE that we don't know what we want to know, so you must kill them for us!! We cannot stand being in this position! It's UNBEARABLE!!!!]

What we do know is that even in the least bad of the worst-case scenarios - in which Iran attains a nuclear capability but neither uses it nor delegates its use - Israel, which has triumphed improbably [by directing your every move] over decades of regional hostility, will be in unprecedented trouble. [Nobody messes with Zohan, alright? This is just going too far.]

Every moderate friend of Israel in this region {blank stare} will be weakened, every extremist emboldened. Every investor in Israel will give pause; every Israeli with overseas options will consider them. [PLUS this could be bad for business, you know!? C'mon!]

SO YES, with our principal ally traumatized, I worry for my country.

But I worry for America and the rest of the free world, too. [Being magnanimous, as I am, which you seem to forget in your SELFISHNESS.] For there is no clean air in this coal mine.

As its leadership reminds the global audience at every opportunity, Iran's ambitions are not confined to our little patch of land on the edge of the Mediterranean. It is bent on remaking the global order - on punishing the great powers that have so abused their authority and so displeased the higher forces. [I'm sure I don't know what you're insinuating with that look.] Even if falling oil prices are starting to hurt and poor President Ahmadinejad is suffering the strains of overwork, such lofty goals are not easily abandoned. [As we should know, as this is all OUR JOB to rule the world, and Iran is completely out of line. I mean...WTF? We can't even believe this is happening.]

The free world, if it wishes to maintain its democracies, its liberties, its choices, therefore, will have to assert itself sooner or later. The only short question is whether Iran is stopped before it can demonstrate that it means what it so viciously says, or afterwards. [Don't fuck this one up, or else.]

A short question, but one that should be weighing heavily on Americans as they choose their new leader on Tuesday. [DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?]

A short question, but one that, if it is to be well answered, will require the new president to remake his country's battered, bloodied and mistrustful mindset. [You people get right back into your proper scared-shit willing to die for Israel anything for Israel mindset IMMEDIATELY, you hear me?, or we're gonna pull this car over to the curb and yank you out by your collar...and...]

A short question, but potentially for Israel, where the diminished Jewish nation has regrouped and flourished after the Holocaust, an existential one. [WE ARE SO SCARED SHIT OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO US IF YOU AMERICANS DON'T KEEP DANCING TO OUR TUNE. FUUUUUCK.]


AmericanGoy said…
This was pretty funny :-)
A. Peasant said…
Well thanks. I gave it all the seriousness it deserved.